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  • Writer's pictureA Milf In Space

Addicted to Self-Improvement?

This is my confession: I am addicted to YouTube. I tell myself every day, "YouTube is different than the other social media platforms because you are learning new things every day!" It's true that I have learned how to care for and style my natural hair (thank you, Naptural85), contour my cheekbones (blessings to Nyma Tang and Jackie Aina), declutter closets (Marie Kondo changed my life...even though her three kids have her backtracking a bit), and acquire fun household items that make my friends say "you have all the gadgets!" (Brittany Vassuer is my friend in my head). Not to mention, learn how to exercise at home (hello and thank you, GrowwJo and MrLondon).


My specific challenge comes with the trending genre of content centered around productivity. I see and hear tips on "The 5 am Club," calendar blocking, aiming for three "to-do" tasks per day...the list goes on. My daily agenda is to do more and be better. Better than I was yesterday in my professional life, mom life, wife life, friend life....all the interconnected lives. While happily falling down the YouTube rabbit hole, I see perfectly zen morning routines, a spotless house with five kids, moms with full-time jobs making healthy meals by 5:30 pm, etc. HOW!?! My therapist insists they are lying, but are they?


My addiction to this trend has my fantasized perfect day looking like this:

1. waking up for a morning jog, even when it's cold

2. making fresh breakfast for my daughters from my Pinterest-worthy pantry and fridge

3. achieving an empty inbox on a daily basis

4. finishing my to-do lists

5. reading for pleasure

6. preparing meal-planned dinners

7. having family game nights

8. maintaining an investment portfolio that gets a thumbs up from Warren

9. arms like Angela

10. and a sex drive like Beyonce from "Partition."


Clearly, I need to work on me. But I know I'm not alone, so let's work together!


We don't need to do All. The. Things.

Apparently, there is something called "toxic productivity." After reading The Dangerous Trap of Toxic Productivity and How to Break the Cycle from Real Simple Magazine https://tinyurl.com/realtoxic, I knew I was in trouble. Specifically, "Toxic productivity occurs when an individual has an unhealthy obsession with being productive and constantly on the go," Kruti Quazi says, a licensed counselor and certified clinical trauma professional. "[It] gives us a constant feeling that we're just not doing enough." I wake up and go to bed feeling like haven't done enough. This is not sustainable and is quickly diminishing my MILF status.


My goal over the next few months is to reduce the toxicity I can control by doing a few things listed in the article and a few I've picked up along my MILF journey:

  1. Stop watching so much YouTube - especially anything related to maximizing productivity.

  2. Set and stick to boundaries that make sense to me. Maybe I'll read the book my therapist recommended, Set Boundaries, Find Pease: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself, by Nedra Glover Tawwab

  3. Embracing Tricia Hersey, aka The Nap Bishop's philosophy that Rest is Resistance.


Are you in a toxic relationship with productivity? Do you suffer from imposter syndrome? Are you addicted to YouTube, TikTok, or Instagram? What are some tools, tips, and tricks you use to keep you from falling into the sunken place of comparing yourself to the fantasized version of yourself or others?


References: Seaver, Maggie. "The Dangerous Trap of Toxic Productivity and How to Break the Cycle." Real Simple, 29 Oct. 2022, URL: https://tinyurl.com/realtoxic.

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